El Sapo Blanco, demon slaying - monster hunter, arrived home after a long afternoon from annihilating the creeps, to a house plant on his front door step.
He frowned, picked up the plant...unlocked his door, and placed his new little friend on the cluttered counter top with cheese wrappers, and empty beer cans. Sapo's new bladed weapon (that he won from the "Slayer Haters Ball" a few months back) was in the counter drawer.
The plant appeared oddly shaped. It had weeping leaves and sharp pointy stems, green with speckles of black. Sapo thought oddly of its appearance.
He shambled into his bedroom, removed his silver "adventure" mask & changed into his blue "home" mask. Then, a movement in the kitchen.
The plant?
He examined it. He swore it moved.
A sudden storm. Loud thunder. Lightning and a harsh wind howled outside. He peeked out of his small window and noticed that across the street. Nothing.
Absolutely no rain-no lightning. Not a damn thing. As Sapo looked out the window, the plant began to move.
Slowly transforming.
A horrific monster with humanoid characteristics. The creature's limbs stretched and twisted into knotted flesh. Its mouth opened, exposing rows of crooked brown teeth. Sapo is oblivious to the horror quietly growing behind him. With its claw, the creature touched Sapo's muscular shoulder.
He turned to see an eight foot tall monstrosity, with spikes & tentacles, large mouth full of (millions) of teeth. Patches of fur mixed with red weeping sores covered the thing's body.
Horrified, he instinctively grabbed his brand new shiny weapon (which appeared to be a nice sharp bejeweled knife), Sapo slashed away at the creature's long slithering limbs, blue and green gore splattered the kitchen. Black blood oozed out of the creature's maw.
"Die foul shog!!!!" yelled Sapo as he swung the blade. He was cornered. He had no cover. No protection. Only a green slime covered knife & a fridge. The shog hissed, inhaled and spat dozens of tiny sharp teeth at the famed monster killer.
Sapo quickly opened the refrigerator door. The shogteeth struck the inside of the fridge with a multitude of thuds. The shog shrieked & used a tentacle to slap the knife out of his hand.
Weaponless, the handsome crime fighter, grabbed the only weapon he could find in the fridge.
Salad dressing.
A pause of wonder of what the fucking dressing could do, Sapo quickly shook the dressing, aimed and drenched the shog-demon. To his amazement, the salad dressing devoured the ugly creature. He watched as the shog sizzled-crackled-popping sounds as it dissolved into a pile of fur & goo.
As the shog melted away in a pile of crap & slime, Sapo looked at the label on the dressing...
"Necronomicon Bacon Ranch".
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